Some people have plants, I have robots. Technically, I have plants too (thanks Kim!), but I don't talk to my plants like other people do. Instead, I talk to my Roomba housecleaning robots - they are my robot buddies. That's what I call them, in fact, I say things like, "Great work, Robot Buddy". Not very creative, I know, but if I had to name them by their personalities I'd have to call them "Retarded Puppy" and "Sir Bumps-A-Lot", and that would just be mean.
I talk to my robots because they talk to me. When I set them about their tasks, they chirp out a melodic (and ever-so-happy) song to let me know that they, in fact, couldn't be more tickled that I'm asking them to clean up after me. When they are done, they give me a nice little holla from the other room (da-da-da-dee-da-dee!) to let me know that they are finished, and if they run into a spot of trouble and need my help, they call for me (that tone sounds like "uh-oh!" and it's oh so cute - let's see you do that, Ficus Buddy!).
So, I talk to them back. I encourage them, I thank them, ask them what they need when they are stuck, and typpically fall just short of having an actual conversation (and relationship) with them.
It's not that I'm lonely (I don't have time for that), it's just that in my house my robots have taken the place of the other standard domestic one-way conversation starters: the plant or the pet (and they actually clean up the floors, rather than deposit waste on them - bonus!). Oh, I water my plants, I trim their leaves when they need it, I repot them when they get too big, but they're not alive (at least not like my robots are) so I don't feel the need to talk to them.
What this all gets me thinking about, of course, is the eventual dystopian future whereby humans no longer need to relate to each other because the robots we built to handle menial labor become so well attuned to our thoughts and feelings that they can substitute for human contact. The key there is that as soon as they start being able to validate our thoughts and feelings they can completely replace other humans in our lives. What is conversation and social behavior if not simply external validation of what we otherwise internalize? And why rely on other humans to do that if robots can take their place? Robots, it turns out, don't need validation of their own, so they won't respond to us with stories about themselves (unless, of course, we want them to). They are the perfect social companion - they never need validation of their own and therefore won't interrupt your boring story to tell you about their grandmother, they would never get tired of hearing about your day, and won't care if you tell the same story more than once - even if it gets more exciting and outlandish each time you tell it.
I, for one, am looking forward to this. "Bring it", I say, "Bring it all, bitches!"...
...
I have to come clean. For some reason the word "dystopia" popped into my head this morning and this entire post has been nothing but an excuse to use it in a sentence. Also, it's cleaning day, and I watered the plants.
I don't want to replace my human friends with robots, I really do enjoy hearing their boring stories.
I need a rainy day hobby, apparently.
