5 AM is like a mullet. Come at it from one side and you're having a party - the other is all business. Earlier this week I found myself roused by my alarm at 5 AM so I could catch a train to Pennsylvania for work, putting me unequivocally on the business side - envious of those coming at it from the other side, who were no doubt stumbling home for a quick morning's sleep before waking up to do it all over again.
Whatever jackass said that riding a train was the best way to see the country was clearly from the 1800s. Today's train travelers glide through the backyards of American blue collar industry - which might lead one to believe that our fair country is made up of nothing but dump trucks, factories, and scrap yards. I'm always appalled at how many cars there are driving around on the streets, but what's amazing is how many more there are rusting away in junk heaps, waiting to be scavenged for windshield wiper blades or a replacement steering column.
From time to time, however, you will cut through the center of some little town lacking enough political clout to re-rout the tracks around Main Street. It turns out, in fact, that Connecticut still has a few quaint railroad towns left; the kind with vine-covered brick boxes that serve as banks, the kind without strip malls or fancy all-night car washes, the kind that you wouldn't be able to name riding through on a train if the liquor store wasn't called "Meriden Liquors".
Traveling by train is actually much more peaceful than I remembered. It's impossibly quiet, the only sounds you hear are the occasional whistle and the soft click of the wheels on the tracks. It's actually soothing, and very difficult to judge speed from inside the car. Before I knew it we were entering New York, which would have been impossible in the same amount of time in a car because of traffic. We glided through the tunnels under Manhattan quickly and efficiently, while driving through the same area would have been an exercise in braking and patience at eight o'clock in the morning I drifted off a few times and re-woke to a little drool on my lip and the rising sun in my eyes.
I hadn't been looking forward to this trip strictly on principle (I wasn't aware that my new contract position would involve travel, let alone at such ungodly hours), but took the opportunity to enjoy the moment and fully experience an idyllic trip through the ass-ends of the small towns in the Northeast that were unfortunate enough to be stuck with train tracks. I'm glad that plane tickets were ten times as expensive as the train tickets - the hustle of an airport and matchbox scenery of a plane ride wouldn't have compared.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
WARNING
Do NOT eat two packages of aforementioned "ramen" style noodles in a row. Doing so will induce stomach nausea and cause you to spend way more time in the bathroom than anyone would ever want to.
That is all.
That is all.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Office Survival Tips
I've been working in a real corporate-type office for the first time in about 10 years, and it's been a bit of a culture shock to me to say the least. Last time I reported to an actual office, there were no cell phones, no personal Web-based e-mail, and no web-based games of Hangman to kill time with (we just had Windows Solitare, and we LIKED it).
Here is what I've learned over the past month:
Tip #1
Be friendly with the security guards and receptionists. They have a REALLY boring job, and will definitely remember you and appreciate it if you smile and "hi" every time you walk by them. This can come in handy if you lose your building badge or need a pen. It also makes you look really cool if you know everyone, and a little boost to the ego first thing in the morning doesn't hurt when you are forced to wear khakis and a collared shirt which makes you feel like a 5-year-old who's mom has dressed him up for church.
Tip #2
Commuting lives at the far end of the scale of conformity - traffic jams are the inevitable result of everyone going to the same place at the same time. If possible, pick up off-beat work hours, like 9:30 to 6:30.It sucks because you get home late, but it's cool because you don't have to get up early and won't waste an hour of your day waiting for the moron in front of you to move while he's waiting for the moron in front of him to move. If you're stuck going to the same place at the same time as everyone else, then take the long way around - you won't get there any sooner, but at least you'll be moving the whole time.
Tip #3
Take your lunch break outside, and by yourself. Spending the entire day in close proximity with people you didn't choose to associate with and breathing the same recycled air as them is like slowly suffocating yourself with an airplane pillow mid-flight. Only with fewer screaming babies. A half hour of solitude (or spent on the phone with a loved one) under a tree almost makes up for the rest of the day. ALMOST.
Tip #4
Try not to think about what percentage of your day or the week or your life you've signed over to The Man. No good can ever come from this line of thinking. Instead, think about what the money you are earning will buy for you and the hopes and dreams you are working towards. And enjoy every minute of your weekend - that's your time.
Tip #5
Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park 6 blocks from your building instead of in the basement. Failure to comply will make your butt look like Darlene's in the next cube over.
Tip #6
Non-smokers have just as much right to take smoke breaks as smokers do.
Put your phone on vibrate. Nobody else wants to hear your Rupert Holmes ringtone. It's unprofessional, annoying, and makes you look like you have the maturity of a high school student. And leave your phone in your pocket or on a pad of paper rather than right on your desk so that when it does vibrate it doesn't sound like someone is drilling for oil in your cubicle.
Tip #7
Always take a pad of paper and a pen to every meeting. Chances are nobody's going to say anything meaningful enough for you to write down, but doing this makes you look interested. This means you can stare out the window and daydream about parasailing and then jot something down immediately afterwards, making it look like you were pensively pondering your co-worker's ideas instead of wishing you were floating above a white beach looking down on bikini-clad women tanning themselves and being served Pina Coladas by dark-skinned cabana boys named Paco.
Tip #8
The copier room is to the office as the ball tent is to McDonalds.
Here is what I've learned over the past month:
Tip #1
Be friendly with the security guards and receptionists. They have a REALLY boring job, and will definitely remember you and appreciate it if you smile and "hi" every time you walk by them. This can come in handy if you lose your building badge or need a pen. It also makes you look really cool if you know everyone, and a little boost to the ego first thing in the morning doesn't hurt when you are forced to wear khakis and a collared shirt which makes you feel like a 5-year-old who's mom has dressed him up for church.
Tip #2
Commuting lives at the far end of the scale of conformity - traffic jams are the inevitable result of everyone going to the same place at the same time. If possible, pick up off-beat work hours, like 9:30 to 6:30.It sucks because you get home late, but it's cool because you don't have to get up early and won't waste an hour of your day waiting for the moron in front of you to move while he's waiting for the moron in front of him to move. If you're stuck going to the same place at the same time as everyone else, then take the long way around - you won't get there any sooner, but at least you'll be moving the whole time.
Tip #3
Take your lunch break outside, and by yourself. Spending the entire day in close proximity with people you didn't choose to associate with and breathing the same recycled air as them is like slowly suffocating yourself with an airplane pillow mid-flight. Only with fewer screaming babies. A half hour of solitude (or spent on the phone with a loved one) under a tree almost makes up for the rest of the day. ALMOST.
Tip #4
Try not to think about what percentage of your day or the week or your life you've signed over to The Man. No good can ever come from this line of thinking. Instead, think about what the money you are earning will buy for you and the hopes and dreams you are working towards. And enjoy every minute of your weekend - that's your time.
Tip #5
Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park 6 blocks from your building instead of in the basement. Failure to comply will make your butt look like Darlene's in the next cube over.
Tip #6
Non-smokers have just as much right to take smoke breaks as smokers do.
Put your phone on vibrate. Nobody else wants to hear your Rupert Holmes ringtone. It's unprofessional, annoying, and makes you look like you have the maturity of a high school student. And leave your phone in your pocket or on a pad of paper rather than right on your desk so that when it does vibrate it doesn't sound like someone is drilling for oil in your cubicle.
Tip #7
Always take a pad of paper and a pen to every meeting. Chances are nobody's going to say anything meaningful enough for you to write down, but doing this makes you look interested. This means you can stare out the window and daydream about parasailing and then jot something down immediately afterwards, making it look like you were pensively pondering your co-worker's ideas instead of wishing you were floating above a white beach looking down on bikini-clad women tanning themselves and being served Pina Coladas by dark-skinned cabana boys named Paco.
Tip #8
The copier room is to the office as the ball tent is to McDonalds.
Friday, September 12, 2008
I Wish...
I wish that there was a way to speed up time today, and then slow it down tonight.
I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.
I wish it was always sunny and warm, except for when there's a tropical storm and it's warm.
I wish I was immune to the fattening effects of sausage, egg, and cheese bagels from Dunkin' Donuts. Also beer. And wine.
I wish I could meet my doppleganger, it seems as though everyone else has and they appear to like him.
I wish I may, I wish I might.
I hope my kitchen table holds up.
I wish I got paid to do the things that I do when I'm not at work.
I wish...
I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.
I wish it was always sunny and warm, except for when there's a tropical storm and it's warm.
I wish I was immune to the fattening effects of sausage, egg, and cheese bagels from Dunkin' Donuts. Also beer. And wine.
I wish I could meet my doppleganger, it seems as though everyone else has and they appear to like him.
I wish I may, I wish I might.
I hope my kitchen table holds up.
I wish I got paid to do the things that I do when I'm not at work.
I wish...
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Marlboro Man Into the Sunset
I've spent the past two years exploring myself as well as New England, taking long solitary motorcycle rides throughout the woods and mountains, staying in and exploring towns, and generally being the typical lonor motorcyclist. I've quite enjoyed it - the freedom from being out there on your own and going where you want when you want is exhilarating on its own, and I've made tons of single-serving friends and learned about myself and the world we live in along the way.
But yesterday I went for a ride and hiked the trails at Black Rock State Park here in CT and I realized that while I did enjoy the day, I had a nagging feeling of discomfort that I couldn't quite shake. At one point I paused in the woods and looked around me in the absolute silence that only comes after disturbing the status quo by trudging through the pine leaves in your boots - when squirrels and birds and foxes all freeze in place, waiting to see what you are going to do next. At that moment I realized the source of my discomfort was loneliness, something I had grown accustomed to through my travels.
Last week I started a new job - one where I actually have to go onto the office every day instead of sitting at home by myself in my underwear. I made some new friends and now interact with people pretty much all day long. The two days before my hike I spent up north with F.M. - we went out to dinner together, chilled out at a house party and had some fun conversations with some really cool people, and took a nice motorcycle ride up the coast and enjoyed the last weekend day of summer together. I think that what I realized yesterday is that all of this has reminded me just how much I enjoy other people and being around them. There's something comforting about knowing that a conversation or experience is part of a bigger picture instead of the entirety of your interaction with a person.
And experiencing what life has to offer with someone else makes it just a bit more colorful, a bit more full, and a bit more real.
So thank you F.M., for choosing to spend a wonderful weekend with me - I really can't think of any other better way to send off summer. And to my friends in Orlando, Miami, Seattle, Boston, and the U.K. - I thank you also for your friendship, which I am really just realizing the value of now. While you may find yourself under a rock or tucked away in the woods somewhere, the image reflected back at you from someone else's smiling eyes in the middle of a conversation or while experiencing a little bit of life together is priceless.
But yesterday I went for a ride and hiked the trails at Black Rock State Park here in CT and I realized that while I did enjoy the day, I had a nagging feeling of discomfort that I couldn't quite shake. At one point I paused in the woods and looked around me in the absolute silence that only comes after disturbing the status quo by trudging through the pine leaves in your boots - when squirrels and birds and foxes all freeze in place, waiting to see what you are going to do next. At that moment I realized the source of my discomfort was loneliness, something I had grown accustomed to through my travels.
Last week I started a new job - one where I actually have to go onto the office every day instead of sitting at home by myself in my underwear. I made some new friends and now interact with people pretty much all day long. The two days before my hike I spent up north with F.M. - we went out to dinner together, chilled out at a house party and had some fun conversations with some really cool people, and took a nice motorcycle ride up the coast and enjoyed the last weekend day of summer together. I think that what I realized yesterday is that all of this has reminded me just how much I enjoy other people and being around them. There's something comforting about knowing that a conversation or experience is part of a bigger picture instead of the entirety of your interaction with a person.
And experiencing what life has to offer with someone else makes it just a bit more colorful, a bit more full, and a bit more real.
So thank you F.M., for choosing to spend a wonderful weekend with me - I really can't think of any other better way to send off summer. And to my friends in Orlando, Miami, Seattle, Boston, and the U.K. - I thank you also for your friendship, which I am really just realizing the value of now. While you may find yourself under a rock or tucked away in the woods somewhere, the image reflected back at you from someone else's smiling eyes in the middle of a conversation or while experiencing a little bit of life together is priceless.