There once was a man from Darfur,
Who had a threesome with a "6" and a "4",
He wasn't sure in the end,
What to tell all his friends,
So he said "they were a 10, for sure".
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Cigarette Smoking Man
He stepped out onto the concrete steps in front of his walkup and lit a cigarette. The early morning sun was just starting to heat up the cool spring air, and a warmish breeze blew across his flip flops, tickling his feet. He exhaled the first drag a little too loudly. It sounded like a sigh.
The trees lining the street were just starting to sprout leaves, and they rustled slightly in the light wind. A cloud moved from in front of the sun and it shone down more brightly, warming his face. He looked up into the sun, squinting his eyes, and held that position until another white fluffy cloud lazily covered it up again, casting a shadow over him. He took a long drag, and held it until his lungs burned.
His motorcycle was parked streetside underneath the nearest tree, covered with a tarp. He considered it, and thought of going for a ride. He pictured the warm air blowing through his helmet as he sped along the beach roads going nowhere in particular, everyone else's life flashing by him in snapshots. A minivan full of kids wearing soccer uniforms. A grocery delivery truck parked on the side of the road, two mexican gentlemen unloading handfuls of white plastic bags. A little red sportscar driven by a balding accountant trying to relive his high school glory days waiting at a traffic light. Nobody wearing a polo shirt should be allowed to listen to Motley Crue. Especially not that loud.
None of it was calling to him. He sighed, and took another drag.
He thought of going for a hike. The sun peeked out from the cloud cover for a moment and warmed his face and he closed his eyes. He pictured the gravel trail up the mountain, the blue skies overhead, his calves aching from the climb, his camera bouncing off of his chest.
It didn't seem real enough to him. He looked at his cigarette, almost down to the filter, and felt like he was running out of time. He felt like the rest of the world was moving faster than he was, and he had no chance of catching up.
He finished his cigarette, flicked it onto the sidewalk, sighed, and went back into his apartment to go back to sleep.
The trees lining the street were just starting to sprout leaves, and they rustled slightly in the light wind. A cloud moved from in front of the sun and it shone down more brightly, warming his face. He looked up into the sun, squinting his eyes, and held that position until another white fluffy cloud lazily covered it up again, casting a shadow over him. He took a long drag, and held it until his lungs burned.
His motorcycle was parked streetside underneath the nearest tree, covered with a tarp. He considered it, and thought of going for a ride. He pictured the warm air blowing through his helmet as he sped along the beach roads going nowhere in particular, everyone else's life flashing by him in snapshots. A minivan full of kids wearing soccer uniforms. A grocery delivery truck parked on the side of the road, two mexican gentlemen unloading handfuls of white plastic bags. A little red sportscar driven by a balding accountant trying to relive his high school glory days waiting at a traffic light. Nobody wearing a polo shirt should be allowed to listen to Motley Crue. Especially not that loud.
None of it was calling to him. He sighed, and took another drag.
He thought of going for a hike. The sun peeked out from the cloud cover for a moment and warmed his face and he closed his eyes. He pictured the gravel trail up the mountain, the blue skies overhead, his calves aching from the climb, his camera bouncing off of his chest.
It didn't seem real enough to him. He looked at his cigarette, almost down to the filter, and felt like he was running out of time. He felt like the rest of the world was moving faster than he was, and he had no chance of catching up.
He finished his cigarette, flicked it onto the sidewalk, sighed, and went back into his apartment to go back to sleep.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Spring has Sprung!
It's not quite 9:30 in the morning, and it's already 60 degrees out and sunny. There is even a slight humidity in the air from last night's rains, bringing with it that fresh clean scent with every breath that is unmistakenly Springtime in New England. Or my dryer sheets.
Spring is my favorite season because it brings with it suggestions of wonderful free times yet to come - flip flops and jeans, walks at the beach or through the woods in the mountains, long pointless motorcycle rides from point A to point A with everything and nothing at all inbetween. Freedom is what the smell of Spring means to me - freedom to live without restriction, to saunter outside barefoot and shirtless, walk instead of drive, pack up the tent and take off camping for a night, or sit out on the deck under the stars smoking a cigar and sipping some wine.
It's a beautiful morning and that fills my heart with hope and anticipation of the seasons ahead and fond memories of seasons past, and that makes me happy.
Spring is my favorite season because it brings with it suggestions of wonderful free times yet to come - flip flops and jeans, walks at the beach or through the woods in the mountains, long pointless motorcycle rides from point A to point A with everything and nothing at all inbetween. Freedom is what the smell of Spring means to me - freedom to live without restriction, to saunter outside barefoot and shirtless, walk instead of drive, pack up the tent and take off camping for a night, or sit out on the deck under the stars smoking a cigar and sipping some wine.
It's a beautiful morning and that fills my heart with hope and anticipation of the seasons ahead and fond memories of seasons past, and that makes me happy.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Night Ride
I just got back from my first night ride of the season, and it was awesome. I love night rides, especially on the empty wooded back roads up around here. It's so peaceful; sometimes I stop and shut off the engine and just listen to the woods come back to life.
It was a little chilly tonight, but not too bad (just under 50).
It was a little chilly tonight, but not too bad (just under 50).
Monday, April 7, 2008
Movie Dream
I had a dream last night that I was hanging out in a book or record store in the city, and a guy I knew came up to me (he was directing the new Friday the13th movie) and quite excitedly told me that he had gotten me a small part in the new movie. I was to play a guy who was walking down the street with his girlfriend and some old lady. I asked him who the old lady was, and he got quite irritated with me and said "just some old lady. There's always an old lady. She's just always there." So I told him that I was just trying to find my motivation for the role, and he told me "You're just walking down the street with your girlfriend, it's that simple. Why would anyone want to do that? You like being with her!"
He said "5 minutes until shooting", and then walked away. I realized I was wearing a red shirt, and would rather be wearing a blue one because I think I look better in blue, especially on camera. I ask the woman who will be playing my girlfriend what she thinks, and she says "You look very nice in red, but you're right, I think you look better in blue." (She said this as if she knew me). So we run down the street to where the film is being shot to try to get wardrobe to give me my favorite blue t-shirt, and I notice I am wearing my white Nike sneakers that I don't even own anymore, having thrown them out after going to New Orleans. When we get there, the producer is eating take-out with his assistant, but there are only 3 dinners (and 4 of us). The woman playing my girlfriend sits down and starts to eat, and I tell the director that I'll be back in 10 minutes. he gets irritated again, and says "5, or this isn't happening". I agree to 5 minutes, and then I woke up.
He said "5 minutes until shooting", and then walked away. I realized I was wearing a red shirt, and would rather be wearing a blue one because I think I look better in blue, especially on camera. I ask the woman who will be playing my girlfriend what she thinks, and she says "You look very nice in red, but you're right, I think you look better in blue." (She said this as if she knew me). So we run down the street to where the film is being shot to try to get wardrobe to give me my favorite blue t-shirt, and I notice I am wearing my white Nike sneakers that I don't even own anymore, having thrown them out after going to New Orleans. When we get there, the producer is eating take-out with his assistant, but there are only 3 dinners (and 4 of us). The woman playing my girlfriend sits down and starts to eat, and I tell the director that I'll be back in 10 minutes. he gets irritated again, and says "5, or this isn't happening". I agree to 5 minutes, and then I woke up.
Close Call / End of the World
About an hour ago, I was nearly killed. I was riding home from Starbucks on my Gixxer when some dipshit in the right lane decided to swing into the left lane directly in front of me and then slam on his brakes so he could turn into a parking lot. All without a turn signal. Now, in a car when someone stops short in front of you, you slam on the brakes hard, whatever's in your front seat ends up on the floor, you honk the horn and wave a finger or fist, and that's the end of it. On a motorcycle when you slam on the brakes hard, you fall over onto the ground and slide forward - if you're lucky. Because if you don't slide, then whatever two ton vehicle is behind you will be on top of you in a few seconds. There are no fender benders when motorcycles are involved.
In this case, there was no way I could stop quick enough not to end up in the backseat of the car in front of me, and there was a vehicle in the right lane behind me. My only chance at staying vertical was to swerve around the asshole in front of me as tightly as possible, riding the white lines, and hope the minivan behind me saw what was happening and either slowed down or pulled over to the right a little to give me enough room. Fortunately, a combination of quick reflexes on my part and the driver of the minvan (who I think slowed down) saved my life.
That time.
Typically you assume you can either be alive or you can be dead, a black and white type of affair, but right now I'm alive but just barely.
It all happened so fast my heart rate didn't even change, but still, it got me thinking about mortality. There's so much that we put off until later that we shouldn't. Maybe we don't make that phone call we've wanted to for one reason or another and end up putting off contacting a loved one another day. Or we avoid scheduling that trip because it's too expensive or too much of a hassle. Or we decide not to make that purchase we've been wanting to make. Not much point in doing that, is there, if the person you've been wanting to get back in touch with is going to be in a coffin by the time you get to calling them, or you die before going on that dream vacation, or your money ends up going to the state because you never spent it.
And to complicate things, apparently some scientists in Switzerland have built the world's biggest particle collidor machine in hopes that it will do some really cool shit. But it's causing some other scientists to freak out, because they're afraid it's going to end up doing some really cool shit that, oh, by the way, might also end up destroying the planet. It might, they say, call into existence a mini black hole that will suck all matter into it - all matter in this case being the Earth. Or, a particle called a "Singleton" will be created, which has the incredibly unique property of being able to turn all of the other particles near it into a Singleton, and so on ad infinitum, effectively turning the planet and everything on it into some sort of grey, lifeless lump made up of nothing but Singleton particles.
So even if you don't ride speedbikes through traffic yourself, you've got the mortality of the entire human race at a precarious balance whether you know it or not.
Kind of makes you feel foolish for lounging around the house in your sweatpants all weekend, doesn't it?
There are no guarantees of anything except that nothing is permanent. So I guess enjoy what you have in front of you before it goes away, and hang on to things you love - while they are there.
I live life hard. If I can, I buy myself the toys I want to buy when I want to buy them, and worry only marginally about retirement. This year I've already crossed 4 things off of my list of things to do before I die, and plan to get to at least 4 more before the year's out. I spend as much time as I can with people I want to be with, and try to limit the time spent with people whose presence makes me feel as though I'm losing blood. I've never played games with people - I wear my emotions on my sleeve - and I love and laugh as hard as anyone. When I see something I want, I go after it. I'm honest to a fault, and it often bites me in the ass, because I guess people find it hard to believe that I'm being genuine. But I'm not going to stop, because I don't have time for subtlety - this is who I am.
I don't want to have any major regrets as my life flashes before my eyes in the final milliseconds before I hit that big fluffy racetrack in the sky. We all do things we wish we had done differently, but at least that's action - I don't want to look back and wish I had done something when I chose to do nothing. When my life is flashing before my eyes as the last pulses of electricity pump through the synapses in my brain, I don't want to be wishing something had gone differently if only I had done more to prevent it from going the way it did, or regret that I hadn't been able to let myself open up to someone I loved, or wish that I had decided to get up and go instead of sit around and wait. I want those last seconds to be happy ones, content ones, looking back on my life and loves, glad that I had been open, and honest, and true. Glad that I didn't hold back.
In this case, there was no way I could stop quick enough not to end up in the backseat of the car in front of me, and there was a vehicle in the right lane behind me. My only chance at staying vertical was to swerve around the asshole in front of me as tightly as possible, riding the white lines, and hope the minivan behind me saw what was happening and either slowed down or pulled over to the right a little to give me enough room. Fortunately, a combination of quick reflexes on my part and the driver of the minvan (who I think slowed down) saved my life.
That time.
Typically you assume you can either be alive or you can be dead, a black and white type of affair, but right now I'm alive but just barely.
It all happened so fast my heart rate didn't even change, but still, it got me thinking about mortality. There's so much that we put off until later that we shouldn't. Maybe we don't make that phone call we've wanted to for one reason or another and end up putting off contacting a loved one another day. Or we avoid scheduling that trip because it's too expensive or too much of a hassle. Or we decide not to make that purchase we've been wanting to make. Not much point in doing that, is there, if the person you've been wanting to get back in touch with is going to be in a coffin by the time you get to calling them, or you die before going on that dream vacation, or your money ends up going to the state because you never spent it.
And to complicate things, apparently some scientists in Switzerland have built the world's biggest particle collidor machine in hopes that it will do some really cool shit. But it's causing some other scientists to freak out, because they're afraid it's going to end up doing some really cool shit that, oh, by the way, might also end up destroying the planet. It might, they say, call into existence a mini black hole that will suck all matter into it - all matter in this case being the Earth. Or, a particle called a "Singleton" will be created, which has the incredibly unique property of being able to turn all of the other particles near it into a Singleton, and so on ad infinitum, effectively turning the planet and everything on it into some sort of grey, lifeless lump made up of nothing but Singleton particles.
So even if you don't ride speedbikes through traffic yourself, you've got the mortality of the entire human race at a precarious balance whether you know it or not.
Kind of makes you feel foolish for lounging around the house in your sweatpants all weekend, doesn't it?
There are no guarantees of anything except that nothing is permanent. So I guess enjoy what you have in front of you before it goes away, and hang on to things you love - while they are there.
I live life hard. If I can, I buy myself the toys I want to buy when I want to buy them, and worry only marginally about retirement. This year I've already crossed 4 things off of my list of things to do before I die, and plan to get to at least 4 more before the year's out. I spend as much time as I can with people I want to be with, and try to limit the time spent with people whose presence makes me feel as though I'm losing blood. I've never played games with people - I wear my emotions on my sleeve - and I love and laugh as hard as anyone. When I see something I want, I go after it. I'm honest to a fault, and it often bites me in the ass, because I guess people find it hard to believe that I'm being genuine. But I'm not going to stop, because I don't have time for subtlety - this is who I am.
I don't want to have any major regrets as my life flashes before my eyes in the final milliseconds before I hit that big fluffy racetrack in the sky. We all do things we wish we had done differently, but at least that's action - I don't want to look back and wish I had done something when I chose to do nothing. When my life is flashing before my eyes as the last pulses of electricity pump through the synapses in my brain, I don't want to be wishing something had gone differently if only I had done more to prevent it from going the way it did, or regret that I hadn't been able to let myself open up to someone I loved, or wish that I had decided to get up and go instead of sit around and wait. I want those last seconds to be happy ones, content ones, looking back on my life and loves, glad that I had been open, and honest, and true. Glad that I didn't hold back.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Sunday Afternoon Limerick
There once was a man from Loosann-ya,
Who thought with some beer he could stand ya,
Turns out he was gay,
Trying t'not be that way,
And you lost him at "Hi, I'm Amanda".
Who thought with some beer he could stand ya,
Turns out he was gay,
Trying t'not be that way,
And you lost him at "Hi, I'm Amanda".
Friday, April 4, 2008
Movie Review: The Mist
After sitting through the rest of the first 3 quarters of this movie I was ready to post a review that said nothing more than "This was the funniest movie I've seen in a while, but unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be funny". But then it got interesting.
This movie has such a fucked up ending that I recommend watching it simply for the shock value. You will NOT see this one coming. It was AWESOME, but only because you wouldn't expect Hollywood to have the balls to do it. It's almost like the project was sold as "We take a brilliant Stephen King storyline, get a bunch of "B" actors and pay nothing for shitty special effects, but we'll write a messed up ending that will get everyone talking about it and it'll sell based on that".
This movie has such a fucked up ending that I recommend watching it simply for the shock value. You will NOT see this one coming. It was AWESOME, but only because you wouldn't expect Hollywood to have the balls to do it. It's almost like the project was sold as "We take a brilliant Stephen King storyline, get a bunch of "B" actors and pay nothing for shitty special effects, but we'll write a messed up ending that will get everyone talking about it and it'll sell based on that".
Eff You March
You are a serious person, but your seriousness is attached to what you do, not to what goes on outside you. You dwell upon yourself too much. And that produces a terrible fatigue.
- Carlos Castenada
The entire month of March this year found me in quite a personal struggle. For some reason I found myself falling back into old habits and giving in to my fears, completely succumbing to that which I thought I had beat and forgetting to listen to my heart. I swear it must be some lunar event that had it's hold on me, or some Bad Mojo, because on the second day of April something clicked and I started to see things again the way they really are instead of the way that I'd come to see them in the months leading up to March. I feel like myself again. I feel like a veil has been lifted from my eyes, and I can again see life for what it is, and enjoy what is around me instead of dwelling on the past or future.
For a whole month I felt like some sort of slave to an unseen will that was bouncing me around at the end of a string, and now that string has been cut.
Maybe it's less a cosmic force, however, and more the way that my mind works. I have this incredibly strong need to understand everything put in front of me. To dissect it, analyze it, take it all apart and spread the pieces out on the floor and then put it all back together again so I can feel that I've mastered its most intricate workings. When someone dumps something big, complicated, and intricate on my desk, I tend to forget everything else around me until I've come to completely and throughly understand what it is I'm working with. I'm simply not programmed to easily accept something without fully understanding everything about it.
Or maybe it's the things I care most about that I feel a need to understand.
But part of life is reprogramming yourself from time to time. Sometimes we do it to better ourselves, sometimes we end up making ourselves less than we want to be, and other times we just keep things status quo because we're comfortable or otherwise don't feel the need to dig up the information that might be required for reprogramming.
What I've come to understand in this bout of reprogramming (which I made far more painful than it needed to be) is that some big, complicated, and intricate things don't need to be understood. I don't need to know why a boat floats to travel on one, I don't need to know why an airplane doesn't fall out of the sky to fly on one.
In fact, some things really aren't as big, complicated, or intricate as they might seem. Sure, a modern airplane has engines, computers, electrical cabling, and all sorts of other things going on, but what keeps it in the air is the same basic principle that keeps a paper airplane afloat.
I have come to learn that only by placing your faith entirely in what you know in your gut, trusting your intuition completely - as scary as that might seem - only then will you be able to see whether or not you've been bending to the will of fear. Because only by doing what fear tells you to do can you give fear any power.
So to my friends and family, I want to say that I am sorry for the past month. I am not perfect (who is?) and by slipping back into bad habits, and giving in to my fears, I have recently been a source of conflict - unnecessarily. I am sorry for causing any conflict I may have caused (or extended), but I have no regrets, because life is about learning, and sometimes you have to learn the hard way. Some people have to be thown into the deep end in order to learn how to swim, because they would never leave the safety of the shallow end otherwise. I'm not usually that type of person, but sometimes I get caught up on things that don't matter and forget to take off the swimmies and venture out of safe waters, into the unknown, where there are always great adventures and exciting times.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
New bike is here!!!
I finally picked up the new bike today, and it's even better than I remembered. They detailed and waxed it for me, so it looks brand new. And it runs beautifully. I took it the long way home tonight (and swung by to see Tim and Kim to show it off), and that included some highway mileage - which was a little shaky because of the high winds, but otherwise a joy. This thing is designed to eat up highways, so I've got some nice long trips in my future.
Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be nice, so I may head up north into Mass on the new ride and work out of a Starbucks somewhere in the Berkshires, just to get away. Looks like it might even hit 60 on Sunday, so with Spring almost here I'm ready to hit the road as often as possible!
Tonight I got home kinda late so I went down to the bar at Flatbread to hang with my boys Mike and Jeff, who were up to their usual shenanigans and were happy to let me join in, as usual. Thanks for servin' up the beers bros!
Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be nice, so I may head up north into Mass on the new ride and work out of a Starbucks somewhere in the Berkshires, just to get away. Looks like it might even hit 60 on Sunday, so with Spring almost here I'm ready to hit the road as often as possible!
Tonight I got home kinda late so I went down to the bar at Flatbread to hang with my boys Mike and Jeff, who were up to their usual shenanigans and were happy to let me join in, as usual. Thanks for servin' up the beers bros!