My old, dear friend Brian stopped by this past weekend to spin records and reminisce and, of course, drink beers. It was great to see him again - some things change over time, but more things don't, and one thing that apparently will never waver is our friendship.
Brian loves to point out that I have an uncanny ability to make decisions and stick to them, regardless of the cost. I think that he admires this quality in me, viewing it as a strength - a beacon of independence, but it always makes me feel a twinge of regret to think about the people that I've cut out of my life. Some I miss more than others, but many I don't even think about any more - for better or worse. What I realized, however, after spending a few hours drinking and talking about things that happened to or around us in the past, is that maintaining good friendships is important, because it's impossible (at least for me - I have the long term memory of a dry sponge) to remember everything about your life, and being able to reminisce is an important part of being a person. It allows you to relive your past in order to reinforce your sense of self and gives you a sense of belonging in the lives of others. To hear someone else tell a story that you were a part of allows you to see the moment from someone else's perspective, and that's the best way to learn who you are.
I've always been my own worst critic - it's what drives me to succeeed. What I realized this weekend is that if I'm going to obsess about the mistakes I've made in order to ensure that I never make them again, it's also important to keep track of the good things that have happened to me. Brian told stories about things that we did that I remembered and didn't necessarily want to (the first time we hung out I puked all over the bathroom at a party and then passed out on the floor in front of the toilet), but more importantly, he told stories about things that I didn't remember, but should have. People we used to know, places we used to go, and things I did that defined my character in Brian's eyes.
So for every thing you regret, make a point to remember something you're proud of.
And keep your closest friends nearby - if not physically, then emotionally.
