Why? Internal reorganization at the North Pole. And at the Easter Patch, or wherever the hell the Easter Bunny lives. Or maybe budget cuts, I guess, I'm not exactly sure - the memo wasn't very clear.
Dear Sir or Madam,
We regret to inform you that Santa Claus™ will no longer be able to bring you holiday cheer as he has in the past. Your route is no longer magical, and we at the North Pole™ lack the ability and / or funding to restore this magic. Unfortunately, you'll have to take our word on this, your residence may still feel magical to you, but rest assured that the magic required to transport 8 tiny reindeer and a jolly old man with a sack of toys through the air is simply no longer available in your area. We know this because we have some special sort of device to measure this magic, and it is never wrong. We are bound to adhere to the results of this device, so asking for a second opinion would be a waste of time.
There is no word on whether or when this service will be restored, but quite frankly, we suggest not holding your proverbial breath (or actual breath - the North Pole™ team cannot be held responsible for asphyxiation deaths), as there is no guarantee that it will ever be restored at all. Nor can we guarantee in the event service is restored, that it will occur before you have grown up and no longer are able to appreciate what it is that we have to offer.
We do sincerely apologize for this inconvenience, and ask you to refer to the bylaws and special addendums of our service contract, which clearly state that the contract can be terminated at will by either party for any reason. It has been our pleasure to work with you in the past, and wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely and regretfully,
- The North Pole™ Team
Seriously, that hardly seems like a reason to completely terminate service. I know I live out in the middle of nowhere, but can't Santa rent a Hummer or something and make the effort anyway? Isn't this something we can work out? I mean it's one night a year - I'd be willing to meet him halfway. I don't understand why I'm not worth a little bit of compromise at least - I really thought he liked bringing me presents. I mean we had a deal here - I thought I could rely on this sort of thing.
Then again, I seem to have been putting in a lot of effort on his behalf. Now that I think about it, I feel like I have been doing most of the work along the way; cutting down the tree and bringing it inside, putting up all the ornaments, buying presents to put under the tree and signing his name, explaining how it is that reindeer don't leave footprints on the roof. All he had to do is make appearances at the mall and look fancy in his red suit and black leather boots.
"Regret the inconvenience"? "Simply no longer available"? "No longer magical"?
I guess when something is a fairy tale to begin with, it's not bound by normal conventions. I guess the lesson here is to not believe in fairy tales in the first place, or just admire them from afar.
Or just to appreciate them for what they are: tales. Told by fairies.
Never trust fairies.
I guess I will always have that feeling, or the memory of that feeling - the feeling you get when you are a kid and you wake up and realize it's Christmas morning. I'm just not sure I will be able to appreciate it ever again the way I once did, though, knowing now that it wasn't real - that everything I had believed in was just an illusion. That it was frail enough to not withstand a shift in the air around me. That I was just getting presents as long as it was convenient for the North Pole Team™, that at the first sign of trouble they dropped me from their route.
I always felt special on Christmas morning, now I realize that there's nothing special about me - I'm just another stop along the way. I'm not even worth a special addendum to the contract, or renegotiations.
Is it better to have gotten presents from Santa™ in the past, than never to have gotten them at all? Time will tell, I guess.