Confusion. Like gale force winds buffeting me from all directions. Can't tell which way is up. Had an anchor but I dropped it. Thought it was keeping me down. Turns out it was keeping me safe, grounded, upright. Thought I didn't deserve safe, grounded, upright.
Turns out I did.
I do.
Comfort comes from discomfort, sanity from chaos. Taught to expect it so why want anything more. Why trust anything more. If it's too easy it can't be real. Can't be trusted.
When the winds finally stopped and I found myself face up on my back, I realized that good is real. Good should be mine. I deserve it. Up is up and down is down, and chaos can be learning but doesn't have to.
I dip my finger in the pond of life and watch the ripples spread away from me. A slight breeze blows in the trees but I am not afraid.
I am anchored.
