It IS possible for a goofy-looking 33 year old man who thinks it's OK to still wear his Guns N' Roses t-shirt from 1987 to find love. Unfortunately for him, she looks like a bit of a bitch, and seems to come as part of a package with her mother.
I have a (untested) theory that you can tell whether a teenage girl is a virgin by the way she stands. Teenage girls tend to slouch at the shoulders and frequently walk around with their arms crossed across their stomachs and chests because they are still getting used to having boobies and feel self-conscious about them. This makes me sad, because it's a reaction to insecurities caused by having boys (and men) stare at their developing girl parts constantly. [Editor's Note: on behalf of my gender, I would like to publically and formally apologize for that one - sorry 'bout that ladies.] My feeling is that not until a girl is made to feel pretty and special by a man do they start to feel comfortable in their new bodies and stand up straighter and flaunt what they've got.
Guys who have just been taken underwear shopping by their girlfriends do not have the expression on their face that I expect them to. Most of them tend to look like deer caught in headlights. Me, I'd look like a lion in a pack of gazelles. Rahrrrr.
Women are getting pregnant at alarming rates. Many of them by balding men who look like they couldn't handle a hammer let alone their cock. Makes me think that there are a large number of mailmen and milkmen that are having more fun at work than they should.
The mall is the last place one should go when one is feeling lonely. Now I feel like I am the last single person left in Connecticut. Guess I should have kept my ratty old GNR t-shirt.
Edit (7:39 PM): Joey Garlic's, however, IS the place to go when you're feeling lonely. I went in to see my buddy Amy and had the pleasure of meeting the new bartender Louise, who was awesome. I had a great time hanging out with both of them, as well as Dave, Larry, and Frank.
@LuLu: thanks for clarifying that I remind you of Seth Rogen because I'm funny and not because I look like him, I feel much better now. And let me just say that if your parents had known how beautiful you would turn out, they never would have named you after your grandmother. I would have named you "Zoe", myself. Looking forward to seeing you next weekend! ;-)
