Sometimes when I'm getting ready to leave the house I think "I might go commando today - I'll bet that would feel sexy". Turns out that because my boy parts are on the OUTSIDE, it doesn't feel sexy so much as it feels chafing, especially in jeans. Or things poke out in places that decency dictates they really shouldn't, scaring small children and making women feverish. So all in all, it's not so much a sexy time experience, but more of a hassle and inconvenience.
Too bad too, because feeling sexy has so much potential. Damn you women, you can wear anything anywhere anytime and it's sexy. Guys: not so much.
Then again, it's hard to feel sexy when it's 19 degrees outside and snowing. Unless, of course, you roll around in the snow and get all wet and cold and then come inside and sit in front of a roaring fire on a bearskin or sheepskin rug, buckers except for some nice clean socks, and let your pink butt cheeks warm up and dry off in the warmth of the room. That feels like sexy time.
At least, it does to me.
I love the feel of cold skin under my hands. It makes me feel all swoozy inside. Cold buttcheeks? The best. Not sure why, but it's a great feeling. It's not a sexual feeling, I just love soaking up the cold with my hands until it's gone - the whole transference thing is just neat-o to me and the feeling of the cold skin is so cozy. Sometimes when I'm skiing I'll take my hands out of my gloves and cover my ears with them, just to soak up the cold. It feels good to me - not in my ears but in my hands.
Conversely, it's hard to feel sexy when it's 100 degrees and humid out, but it's certainly easier when you're not overweight. There was a time when I was not my current svelte self, and just thinking about anything warmer than room temperature would make my hands sweat. Now that I'm in shape and lean, I enjoy hot weather more. And to be sure, there's probably nothing more sexy than lying naked on a bed with your lover, both of you drenched in sweat - her hair matted back against her head and your hand leaving a glistening trail as you run your fingers down her back. Truth be told, this is sexy whether the heat is from the summer's sun or from an overactive heating unit in the bedroom, but there's something about that time of day in the peak of summer as the sun first hides behind the horizon, the sky turns all orange and pink, and the air starts to cool slightly.
That's the time of day when the birds start to quiet down, the crickets and frogs haven't yet started their nighttime symphony, and the roar of a match lighting a cigar and the clink of ice cubes in a glass of scotch seem to resonate just a bit more clearly when you are sitting outside wearing just boxer shorts and soaking up the evening humidity. The shadows are drawn long and wavering over everything, making you see things that aren't there (or perhaps helping you see things that you otherwise couldn't).
Winter will roll through soon, trailing Spring in its wake, with Summer not far away after that. It won't be long now before we will be able to enjoy being outside, instead of just running through it as quickly as possible, leap-frogging from a heated building to a heated vehicle to yet another heated building. Soon, those of us in the unforgiving Northeast will be able to step outside without strapping on boots and bundling up, and everything we do will feel just that much more sexy and relaxed.
So mazal tov, Winter; happy journeys to you. Please don't be offended if some of us aren't here next time you come calling - it's not personal, we just don't really feel like we have all that much in common with you any longer. We simply don't like how you make us feel so unsexy, and how you keep us from connecting with the people and landscapes around us. Others may look forward to your bounty of cold and white snow, but some of us would rather avoid all of that if possible. Instead we would rather be able to appreciate on a daily basis that one time of day when the long shadows of afternoon and nighttime dance together around us in a warming embrace. Or the sexy feeling of walking outside wearing almost nothing - and feeling the healing warmth of the sun on our body and face.
