Some of my readers have expressed displeasure (in the form of calling me a "moron", a "dipshit" [Editor's Note: thanks for reading, mom], and even a "menace to society") regarding my last Grind my Gears post in which I lambasted certain drivers whose timidity on the highway frequently prevents me from riding my speed bike in a straight line at 130 MPH. They feel that I am a danger to them and their babies on board [Editor's Note: If you are the type of person to have babies, why the fuck are you reading my blog? You vicarious-living motherfucker]. They feel that my antics are reprehensible and I should promptly be thrown in jail while the key to my cell is tucked into a pimento loaf and fed to an anemic crocodile. Further, they feel that riding a performance motorcycle down the highway at 130 MPH is superfluous and otherwise unneccessary.
To those readers, let me assuage your fears by giving you a completely made-up scenario. You are going down the highway at 70 MPH. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that I have not yet reached your postion on the road, but am travelling at 100 MPH. When I come up behind you and the dumbass next to you in the other lane (who is going 71 MPH in this example) and then weave through both of you and blast out the front, it is the same as if I were negotiating a slalom course at 30 MPH (100 - 70 = 30). That's cake, and not, in and of itself, dangerous. I'm not breaking any laws except speeding (and in the case of exceeding 120 MPH, "reckless" driving).
What IS dangerous is dipshit timid drivers, drinking Starbucks hot coffees in your air-conditioned comfort and chatting away on your bluetooth devices which apparently operate on power from your brain causing your cognition levels to be significantly reduced, when you make a lane change without noticing the motorcycle next to you. I've seen this happen more times than I care to count. It's happened to ME more times than I'd like to think about. Therefore, it is in my best interest to spend as little time in the lane next to any car and / or truck driver as possible. I do that by passing you at 30-60 MPH faster than you are moving, it's as simple as that.
I'm not even going to get into the debate as to whether driving that fast is neccessary or not, because until you've done it you can't possibly realize just how neccessary it actually is, and if you've never done it you probably wouldn't get it even if you did.
Rest assured, if some important part of my machine happens to fall off or I a blow a tire, I'm going to be dead whether I was going 70 or 130. My helmet will not protect my brain and cranium from being rapidly processed into grey matter pudding at any of those impact speeds, and will become what EMTs affectionately refer to as a "brain bucket" - its sole purpose to contain the mind sludge created on impact from spilling out onto the road, making it easier to scrape what's left of me off the highway before rush hour starts. Between the two of us, my bike and I weigh not quite 650 pounds, and are made of substances that are more likely to give way to a steel bumper than dent it. So even if I wreck directly in front of you, I doubt you'll even spill your mochachino.
So chill out, you timid motherfuckers, pop an extra Zoloft and just stay the fuck out of the left lane. It's for passing, and that's what I'm doing. Let me enjoy myself on my performance machine while my head is still attached to my body. You're just jealous because inside your car you can still hear your wife nagging to you about morons like me flying past you with a silly grin and the wind on our face.
Edit: And if they didn't want me to drive at 130 MPH on Rte. 2, then they wouldn't have paved it with that perfectly smooth fresh asphalt. It's like sliding across the surface of the monolith from 2001: A Space Oddessy. Makes me want to bash my fellow cavemen's heads in with a spear fashioned from a tree branch and then invent fire.
